life as I no it.

12:31AM - IM A FUCKING PINUP.

following Engleman's lead because im a slacker.

check it out pinupgirlclothing.com/black-gingham-daisy-dress.html
tell me what you all think!

( to the DAMN question! )

12:00AM - my life in a nutshell.

ugh a lot of shit has been going down.

i went and visited up north for a week. everything i planned went into the shitter and anything i wasnt that into doing happened and was great. i have a lot of unfinished business there so im starting to feel like i have a purpose to go back. i dont know why i never realized that before, i just up and left without really telling anyone. i got to see emily, kait, ktb, dana, rean, puppy dog ry, derick, lars and pozzi! def a hodge podge of randoms but all good. im worried im going to go back and make similar mistakes but at the same time im looking forward to it all, i just hope that life is easier to steer. now in a way i feel like im in purgatory because i have no deep roots in LA anymore which is refreshing, one hand there is no point in trying to make more connections here because im moving but i still have a ways till im in chico full time. double edged sword if you ask me. on my way home i stopped in SF which was nice cause i got to see Engleman but at the same time it was rough, sf was the most planned part of my trip and the most fell through (not on engleman's behalf). im sure ill be back in sf soon and im sure the trip will be more in my control. hopefully. i have sf pics that i still need to post but im lazy as fuck.

in more recent news:

buster was in the er. :( very sad but he is making a full recovery i think. he was having trouble walking and lifting his head..etc on top of that he may or may not have eaten a couple (meaning multiple) rolls of tee-pee.

i finally have housing for chico... ill be living at 3rd and orient with kait and dana. i get the master with my own bath and practically my own wing of the house. i love the area and house which is a relif and i think the roomie situation will be good. i hope lol. im just glad to know where ill be. and i cant wait to decorate!!

most recent news my friend emily is in the process of getting signed with a local record label in chico she goes by M.L.E. and is a baller. ive been making banners and stuff for her myspace about up coming shows and performances but now she asked me to do the album art for her demo. this is the rough cut, meaning im not done. but check it out.

( to the DAMN question! )

10:16AM

So Clifton had a formal for his frat on sat and his date bailed on him so i went. the dance had a
theme which was "What's Your Fantasy?" so it was basically a costume dance right up my alley! we
went as Anna Nicole and that old Oil guy. it was so great. i still had a blonde wig from a couple
halloweens ago and then i found this perfect hot pink with shiny hot pink leopard print dress. so
great. Clifton didnt just wear a suit and be done with it instead he went all out. he wore kaki slacks
that were up high around his waist so they were really short, with new balance running shoes, a
fanny pack from Harah's in vegas that had money coming out of it, he had a cane and he even
powdered his hair! so funny we were by far the best dressed and put the most thought into our
idea.

I would never have thought that i would have so much fun at a frat formal...who knew.

Well now i am packing for my road trip! im driving up to chico
then on thursday im heading to S.F. to see engle and then im
coming home on sunday!

( to the DAMN question! )

12:56AM - Is this really my life?

SO this week has been fabulous even though i most likely failed a math test today! let me explain.

for those of you that dont know i am obsessed with pinupgirlclothing.com i think im on their site more than their webmaster lets just say that. so they had this cool shoot opportunity on sat and i didnt tell hardly anyone about it and guess what? they want me to model for their site! me! so they have this amazing photographer named ama lea and after shooting with her sat she asked me to do some fashion stuff for a project she had and we shot again yesterday! Micheline Love did my hair and makeup for both shoots and she is amazing i dont think their is one thing that girl doesnt do well! Ama said she would prolly have them done and be able to give them to me today so ive been sitting here like im on crack checking my email all day! since 2pm my ass hasnt left this seat okay. i finally get in bed and my phone (thank god for blackberries!!) starts to vib so i get up and shes email me one.

Photo by Ama Lea Hair and Make Up by Micheline Love

Other than the fact that Micheline's shoes were just a tad too small i dig it! and thats my velvet trench coat..be jealous.


Ama Lea

Micheline Love

( to the DAMN question! )

2:34AM - Go Kings Go!!

So last night we got four free tix to go to a kings hockey game. it was really nice cause most of our season tix are for the second half of the season so we have only seen a couple of games. the only catch was that we had to be on our best behavior cause we were sitting in a box with a grip of police officers. this proved difficult for some lol. The Kings played Columbus and lost in the last 50 seconds but the game was pritty good anyways. there could have been some good fights but the freaking refs suck. Shan brought her friend Ali from school who lives down here and i took mike who spent the majority of the evening yelling, dancing and talking about the Ducks in other words embarrassing me. but we had a good time.


( We had a Blasty Blast )

The past couple of days have been odd. yesterday i woke up to a call from derick..yeah odd right? i havent seen him since aug when i was up in chico but havent really seen him for like 2 years. he ended up coming over and hookahing with me and shan. He brought this guy mike and it was obvious that his friend had protested coming over but lost the argument. such a bizarre afternoon it turned out to be. i never have been able to peg him and time didnt help that. he still talks like hes a valley girl. anyways. just another example of how strange my life is.

Tonight i got to meet lauren's bf who was really nice and didnt seem crazy or creepy at all so that was good. Im really disappointed that my break is coming to an end my winter session starts on monday and i wanna scream. its gonna be a really hard 5 weeks, im taking stats. uggghhhhh.

I hope everyone had a fantabulous new years!

( to the DAMN question! )

8:07AM

I feel like I have so much to get off my chest but can't think of a thing to say. I'm in SD for the next 4 days which I thought was gonna be a little too long but I had a blasty blast at my sister's friend's engaement party last night.

The highlight of my night would have to be bedtime. My sister,Briana and I slept in the guest room at their friend Katies house. So I go in and I'm getting ready for bed when I see it. . . At the foot of the bed is a huge shootgun cabient except it has a glass front. Wtf? So I check and its locked!? Does anyone else see a problem wih this? Did I mention its next to a huge window. So strange.

So the trip breakdown is as follows:
29th:Katie and Cody's engagement party

30th:drive to OB and see slighty stoopid (this is a hopeful but I think its gonna happen)

31st: we rented a suit at a nice hotel in downtown SD. And for new years the hotel is having a no limit free happy hour. Cha ching! And lauren is gonna come down and celebrate with us!

1st: I think I'm gonna come home, but if shanny wants to stay then I'm gonna take the train home with lauren.


So exciting and I was worried I was gonna miss some fun by coming down here but it doesn't look like its gonna turn out that way. Did I mention that shannon's friends that are going to the show know Slightly Stoopid so if we go were gonna be in the tour bus fuck yeah!

( to the DAMN question! )

12:49PM - also upon kate's request...

all i want for X-mas.

Chico Xmas Wishes
* Decorations and ikea stuff for my house in chico (that i dont have yet)
* A beach Cruiser or a moped to get around chico... so cute!!
* A wok...no seriously im not going to survive chico unless i can pan fry my veggies in soy sauce!!

Possible Wishes
* For Engle to teach me how to curl my hair like those crazy asian mags shes has!!!!!!


Obscure Wishes
* To be happy and have clarity
* Closer friends

Impossible Wishes
* A passing grade in retard math
* Some to pay off my Credit Card!!
* Good health in general!
* A hot guy to come by my house everyday to give me a rub down...for my back! sickos



the sad thing is i know i wont be getting any of this stuff for x-mas...but thats ok. im just glad that all the homies will be around for break. Kate's coming home on Wed, engle is coming home on Sunday or Monday, Lauren's coming home Monday shanny will be home TONIGHT!!

( to the DAMN question! )

4:14PM - my eminent return

Chico here i come...again?

( to the DAMN question! )

11:26PM - life

So last night was great. It was grant's birthday dinner. I've been worrying about all the drama that would ensue and I was totally wrong everyone but dave was great. Although that doesn't surprise me, I was pritty shocked at how much he drank though. We didn't get seated until 945 and our reservation was for 9. But we couldn't do much. I took mike and it seemed like he had a grand ole time. Which was nice I was worried they eat him alive. But everyone was pritty cool about it. I did find it funny that they carded everyone but him, but I'm sure I was the only one to notice.


After dinner we watched some of the new dane cook tour and it was hilarious oprah is one silly bitch!

Honestly my life is turned upside down on its ear right now but I'm just gonna go with it and see where I end up. On another note back therapy is going well, I can't wait till my back doesn't hurt every fucking min of the day.

(2 Answers | to the DAMN question! )

10:25AM - quickie

My cousin Lilly. we are 19 years apart and she is the only cousin on my dad's side! crazy. i hadnt seen her since last xmas so it was strange to say the least to see that shes walking and talking. she followed me around most of the day cause i could be my aunt's twin just 15 years younger.


my application for chico is sent. hoorah? and i started talking to an old friend from when i was in chico some of you might remember the story about the night my friend kro peed my bed? anyways im so glad that we started talking cause ive missed her strange take on life. As it turns out she is doing what i hope to accomplish when i move up there...have a life on campus. i cant wait for this term to be over dec is going to be awesome. oh and The new Atmosphere cd is great.

( to the DAMN question! )

12:43AM - the good the bad and the mundane.

the last few weeks ive been trying to take my life back an make it my own again. suprisingly ive been taking a lot of heat for it. this sounds really elementary but i want to make my own decisions figure out my own problems and take the wheel.

for a really long time ive felt like my life isnt really my own. i rent it out and then return it to the shelf. theres a lot of times in my life that i look back on and think..what was i doing? feeling like i just go through the motions of what is expected of me never really putting myself into it. as if there is something restricting my actions but i cant find the strings to cut. im not 100% suprised considering that a lot of what i do with my life still revolves around what im "supposed" to be doing aka shool, work, conforming in general.

i have been doing a lot of self reflection lately and have decided that im not going to do that anymore, well as little as i can. i dont want to be in anymore relationships where the feelings arnt real they just are because thats what is expected in a relationship. hell i dont want to be in any relationships..i cant remember a time i wasnt with someone or waiting to be, i dont feel that power some women do when they are single by choice i just feel less stressed. i want my friends to be as motivated with their lives as i am with mine. i dont want to be so young anymore i feel like my life still hasnt started. im still in school working stupid jobs (that wont be on my resume any time soon)...not meeting the people i want to surround myself with. while at the same time how could i? GCC isnt really a hot bed of motivated peers.

Having a transfer school to look forward to was really helping me cope...like maybe it will all pay off but now that ive realized i really have no choice but to go back to chico its a bit of a downer. i mean chico is what is is and i no that it will aslo be what i make it but im not sure if i have the power to change the student body to better fit my personal choices and lifestyle. It is def a double edge sword.. on one hand the location and overall package of what makes chico is not desierable to me. i no im a college student but why is it that i dont have this need to get black out drunk 5 days a week..anyday for that matter. dont get me wrong i love me a glass of wine or a beer at the end of my day but chico is an all or nothing society. while on the other hand the program at chico is #4 in the us...and the only school in cali with a full major program. What is the point of paying out of state tuition for something i can get here...or getting a degree in something i have no passion for because i didnt want to go back to chico. that degree can open doors that i couldnt have ever even imagined let alone thought of opening on my own.

dont get me wrong there are some ups to going back to chico other than the program and part of me is not at all disappointed about returning. i just dont like the idea of not having a choice. to be honest im worried. if i didnt gain anything else in the past 2 years since ive been chico-free i gained clarity that im not sure i would have if i was still there. i wrote an entry not long after i came home about the effects of chico and how i was trying to project the long term hazards of living in a place that corrupt. when i moved out i took some life experience and knowledge with me that i literally could not have gained anywhere else. after looking at people i used to call friends when i lived amoung them...i cant help but wonder..why they made the decisions they did..chico might not have anything to do with it but it could. im not sure if any of this makes sense but i feel as if im stuck in quick sand....im doing a whole lot of moving but nothing seems to make a difference.

im not really in the mind set to talk about my halloween adventures, maybe next time. but i will say that i had a nice time.

(1 Answer | to the DAMN question! )

12:17AM - I <3 dinners

i am totally loving the 50's cafe in van nuys if anyone was curious.

life is good. odd but good.

( to the DAMN question! )

11:46PM - i just started putting these on the web..last one i promise

ok so friday night i went out to valencia to go to red robin cause a friend of robs is the bartender and we left at like 1030 and are on our way home and were on the 5 South maybe 1/2 miles before the 14 overpass and traffic stops and we are stuck in the #2 lane for 2 hours and i call my dad to see if he could figure out whats up...and the CHP said that 5! 18 wheelers got into an accident in the truck lane. the truck lane veers to the right and goes through a tunnel and the tunnel supports the 14 overpass and they hit the tunnel walls so hard and then caught on fire and one of the trucks is hauling paint thinner and so the fire burnt for so long that the metal rebar in the tunnel started to melt and chunks of cement were falling from the bridge so the whole thing is closed indefinatly because its been comprimised. so we had to turn around and drive the wrong way on the freeway to the nearest on ramp and take little tahunja pass that goes through the mts and its only one lane each way and super windy and its raining! it took us forever, now its still closed and they plan to knock it down and rebuild. does this sound familiar? well its the same part of the 14 that fell during the northridge earthquake and it took months then to rebuild and they didnt have to do much knocking down. its moments like these that make me happy i no longer live in the CC.

( Click here bitches )
Engleman you better click these then

sorry about all these big piscs gotta do it justice man.
this was my final for Special FXs

(2 Answers | to the DAMN question! )

6:58PM - check it out..im sorry that its big

so this is my latest photoshop work.

my project was to create an undesierable product and market it.
this is an english assignment so thats odd but anyways my group
chose a medicine that gives you A.D.D. so i created our print ad and label.
( Click for full ad! )

( to the DAMN question! )

12:20PM - if you ask thank you shall recieve

so lifes been great lately. im not sure why exactly but it is. school is in full gear and im taking 18 units!! why do i do this to myself?

Class Schedule

• Math 101
  
• American Sign Language 101
  
• Psych 101
  
• English 104
  
• Photo 250
  

im so on track with school now but it seems that my social life has skidded to a hault. i mean going to gcc is working for me really well but lets be honest the type of people i want to surround myself with obviously dont go there. so its been hard i no im doing what i need to be doing but at the same time feel like im spinning my tires. in my last post i said that im sick of waiting for something to happen and have focused on making something happen. but it turns out i didnt need to, some stuff just fell from the sky and landed on my lap. only to add to my confusion but bring a smile to my face. these events only make me believe stronger that maybe god really is a kid with a magnifying glass.

work has acutally become that lately so i decided i want to get a new one. im still trying to find one i like and that i can only do part time. dave and i are over for real, we've been broken up most of summer but the dust has finally setteled, which is weight off my shoulders. I saw monica this past weekend and have some interesting photos to post from an 80's party that we went to out at APU. i can honestly say that only monica could get me into light pink leggings and a white balck an gold zebra shirt lol.


( welcome to the 80's )

right now i wish more than ever that lauren was going to school in LA i need some crazy shinanagins to distract me from the strange life that is slowly becoming mine.

i finaly feel like im on to something and instead of trying to control every aspect of my life im gonna try and let go of the ragins. see where it takes me.

(2 Answers | to the DAMN question! )

7:58PM

Im ready for something to happen to my life....but im sick of waiting

( to the DAMN question! )

10:47AM - CHICO...

So im leaving for a stint in chico today at 3 and i
will be home monday hopefully ill have some
great pics when i come back and shit but
until then dont miss me too much...

( to the DAMN question! )

2:31AM - check it out

Sources:
Poster
Darren Michaels
Easy but good i think.


BTW...im going to vegas today at 8am..

do not miss me too much, cause i wont be missing u. ill be back in one week!!

( to the DAMN question! )

6:18PM - She was a good little hamster.

My hamster Chunk was murdered yesterday.
i really have nothing to say.
please forward your condolences
to my email.

( to the DAMN question! )

8:59PM - so what i got a little bored

HAHAHAHA...well i thought it was funny anyways
( source images )

( to the DAMN question! )